The Path of Least Resistance

What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.

Carl Jung

I can spend hours making cards...researching designs, playing with color, different lettering techniques. I get lost in the pencils and pens, forgetting that I am working. It feels more like play. It comes naturally to me and it's something I have always done. I don't know why I tend to pick the path that I resist the most, when the path that I love the most is the one that flows easiest through me onto the paper.

Love

love. the highest rewarded and most desired.

makes even a lazy man crazy inspired. m.g.

Falling in love has been a consuming desire for me, for as long as I can remember. The desire to share the deepest parts with someone in the hopes that life will take on new meaning and happiness will prevail.

As I have gotten older, I realize that unless I am able to fully fall in love with myself, I will never experience true love. All the qualities I am searching for in someone else are really the things I want to bring out of myself.

I am practicing patience with myself. Using kindness and compassion to soothe myself when I digress. Digging deep into my patterns of seeking and needing love. Trying instead to be free to give and receive love without restrictions or expectations...

An Ache For My Own

The drawing above is an initial sketch for a friend's baby shower invitation. A doodle I did on the phone while talking with her about the theme and ideas for the shower. It's for one of my best and oldest friend's sister and I am more than happy to draw them. Excited even about the actual making of the cards and hoping she'll love them. It's just in the process, I am feeling the ache for the little one I lost. I think that with friend's babies who are already here, it's somehow easier for me. Maybe because being around the actual baby, my heart melts, and when I see a pregnant woman or think about a baby shower, my heart aches. I don't know why this is. I wish that I didn't feel jealous. I wish I didn't want what they have. I wish I didn't feel any of it so that I didn't feel guilty about making something so completely about them have anything to do with me.

An Open Door

a very raw picture of me. i feel safer posing.

This morning while waiting for our table at my favorite yummy breakfast spot, we walked down to a little art boutique. They carry all sorts of amazing creations by super talented artists that are mainly local to the area. My boyfriend looks over at me and says that this is exactly the type of place he can see my work in. Our friends interjected and started saying how much they agreed and how wonderful my cards are. The owner came over and told me to please bring by whatever I have and see if it would be a good fit for the shop. I immediately hesitated and felt shy to even be considered as an artist. Sensing my insecurities about the attention on my work, she offered inspiration, recounting how many other artists she meets with that are terrified in the beginning stages. She had one girl with tears in her eyes as she brought her clay pieces in to be seen for the first time. I don't know that I will take anything back this week, but I do know that her kind words made me feel safe enough that I will eventually take my cards back there.

The whole conversation with her goes along with the third week of The Artist's Way, which is all about feeling shamed and criticized as creatives. Being scared by the possibility of success. Overcoming the fear that what I have to offer the world is in no way comparable to what anyone else has to offer, because we are all built differently. We are all individuals creating from different places in our lives with different perspectives. I think sometimes I would like someone to be on this journey with me. Right beside me, in my shoes, every step the same, so I could ask questions, seek protection, feel like I am heading in the right direction.

But, I know that's not possible. This journey is mine and already doors are opening that I won't turn my back on this time.

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it. Julia Cameron

Leap of Faith

Today had me feeling very light and happy. I woke up this morning to a couple of promising emails as far as finances go. So I started the day with the mindset that by taking this leap of faith, I am supported by God. the universe. my friends. my family.

In my journey these past two years I think the one lesson I have learned (with the help of a very true friend) is that we can't have everything we want at all times. There are sacrifices made, choices, that can lead to our higher good. We just have to trust that the path we take is the right one. Life choices are so hard for me, fear sets in and I wish I came with a blue print or a manual. But this day, and every day from here on out, I am going to be dedicated to following my heart, listening to my intuition and leaping.

I have shut the door on my creative calling for too long. I have canceled a trip to Brazil for a meditation retreat I was accepted to attend (at no cost) so that I could move in with a boy. I have canceled a trip to Europe so I could attend a boyfriend's graduation. I have covered the deep parts of me with expensive taste and a closet full of cute things. I am through with the sacrificing of myself. Because in the end, no one benefits from it. I feel ready to find the girl inside me who is brave. open. strong. talented. full. ready.