It's Not All Serious

The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences. Christopher McCandless


oh to be bored!

to sit

at a desk

in front of a computer

tormenting yourself

by looking at terrible

sites such as myspace

and the likes

not DOING anything

not LEARNING anything

or EXPERIENCING anything new.



it's no wonder suicide rates are higher for blue collar workers than they are for farmers. farmers have their hands in the earth. they are familiar with the cycles of life's ups and downs. they are active.



to all of us who sit at a desk.

or who are trying to find their true calling.

we

must

remember to

stretch

our minds

our bodies

our possibilities

our lives.



stretch them. pull them. embrace them. decorate them. LIVE them.

being present

there is no other moment than now.

when i look back i feel anxiety swell up.

and when i try too hard to plan too far in advance, the same.

so i just keep repeating...

be.

here.

now.

let it glow

'instead of blaming the darkness, you bring in the light'

a new earth by eckhard tolle

i could spend my days looking back
and blaming
honestly i could write books
but i don't want to fill myself up
with anger and rage
or blame and guilt
i want to release it
to be filled with love
and let that light
a pure energy
radiate around me
i'm still figuring this out
how to let go of my ego
find a place of true peace
where i don't impose my will on anyone
but i also don't feel like i am being controlled
or run over
because the truth is
some people just don't know
they can't see their ways
the manipulation
and pain they inflict on others
they keep going along
selfishly
blindly
thinking this all centers around them
and no one else
it's their story
and they create it with as much drama
as one can muster

...

so i breathe in
and i breathe out
i release
i sit in silence
i take in as much nature as i can
and i hope that in the quietest of moments
i will feel his spirit wrapping me in love

...

and i carry on
changed
choosing to bring the light

I'll never forget

i'll never forget all the laughter

the music. the driving lessons.

lazy days at the pool. crazy holidays where we would just look at each other and roll our eyes.

n

o

t

e

s

you'd write for me

the way you saved every email i've ever written.

should i have known when you sent me this...

i have loved you since i first held you

you are the one shining moment of my life; my contribution to the world

my dream is that you find your full potential in this and all worlds

peace out~


i love you,
daddy

you never said peace out

but had i known the darkness in your heart

the weight you must have carried

it would have made no difference

you made your choice

and now

we are left to pick up the broken pieces

H

E

A

L

to go inside and learn what my purpose is

so that i can be filled with light

and shine because you couldn't anymore.

and love because you taught me how.

there once were three

the only sign

that offers me any comfort

my daddy committed suicide on april 1st

and i am almost completely at a loss for words

i know they'll come

and go

like my emotions

a constant change and flow

trying not to hold on too tightly to one feeling

to be as fluid as i can

letting everything pass through me

remaining soft

i won't be unchanged

none of us will

my mom, most of all

but to get to the other side of this dark place

with some light

with some peace

and lots of love

is what i pray for us all