I have been trying so hard to actually DEFINE my goals. Put them on paper. Take the first step. I honestly feel like I have known all along what I am supposed to be doing and instead I do everything I can possibly do to stand in the way of myself. Last night I fell asleep reading this book on following your dreams. The part about having to leave our comfort zone for our dreams to actually become reality really resonated with me. I may not be happy where I am at, but I am comfortable. Stepping outside of the comfort of just talking, planning, or dreaming is such a challenge for me. I think at this point I might actually need to seek the advice of a life coach, someone to look at my goals objectively and help me to attain them by setting me in motion.
When I listen to my intuition it tells me, make your art your life....live a creative life. Yet, I hear and want that, but I try to follow the money so that I can support the art. And at the end of the day, neither is working out. I think at 27 years old I am just now realizing that my dreams won't just magically happen for me. I have to put in hard work...So my time outside of my regular unfulfilling job has to be used wisely and not just for social time or I won't get anywhere creatively.
Through this process I have tried to be kind to myself. Do the things that make me happy and keep my spirit uplifted. I have been mindful of this month of me inspired by this blogger.
Monday*I went to a birthday dinner for one of my closest and best friends...at this divine restaurant.... It was so nice to meet new people, not to have to talk about the daily grind of problems, but just to enjoy conversation. Not forgetting the amazing tomato, avocado & basil salad with organic citrus greens and a cayenne ranch drizzle *yum*
Tuesday*I had to have an epidural block injection at the pain clinic for my back. The third and final one to ease my back pain. Instead of coming home and trying to go against the doctor's orders by working, I crawled into bed. I slept a peaceful and dreamy sleep late into the afternoon. Last night I went to see the movie Fracture, the main motivator being yummy Ryan Gosling.
Today* Instead of rushing out of the house without food I stopped and made myself a delicious smoothie. I also got a pedicure and manicure because I love the feeling of perfectly painted fingers and toes! For lunch, I took a study break and made myself a salad with feta and whole wheat couscous. I will get to bed early tonight so I am fully rested for my state exam tomorrow. wish me luck
4 comments:
Hi amanada.
I'm just realising that you have to work for dreams too (nb my last thursdays blog entry).
You shall get there. My dream is to go to france for a year - it's scary. I'll be alone. I'll have to find somewhere to live in france alone once I am there.. I've applied for a job as a teaching assisstant so now is just a matter of waiting. Point is, this is beyond my comfort zone and I am scared shitless.. but I'm going to do it if I get in. I have to do it for me and to experience my life how I want to.
Babble babble babble.
What are you goals? xxx
ps - i just bought 'the artists way'
Amanda, I know God is working in your life..... I read Bruce’s book on Feb 8th 2005; at least that’s the date I wrote on the inside cover. You just have to listen to God.... have faith and trust. Let God be your life coach. You express your thoughts in a beautiful fashion…...peace
Honey, I can so relate to all of this. I hear you on all of it and I also know you will get there. I know you will soon be living the creative life you are meant to lead.
but in the meantime... good luck tomorrow.
xoxo
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