Mine

and she told me...

you know what?

this is your life

and as long as you are being a person that you like
and living a life that is fulfilling to you
no one else can touch that.

and it helped.

i have to remember that everyone else

has an opinion about what i should do

how i should be

how it might reflect on them

but at the end of the day

their journey is not mine

and while i am still fumbling around

and don't quite have it all mapped out

i can love myself

i can love my choices

that led me here

the only place i can be right now.

Facing My Fears and Finding My Footing

I have decided that the path I am taking, the choice I am making, is to walk the path of least resistance.

I am choosing not to force things into fruition. I am choosing to be optimistic and follow my heart. For the first time in sooooo long.

I know that with this choice, fears and doubts will arise. They always do. But I am not going to let my fears rule my heart and my decide how I live my life. I will sit with my fear and feel it. Fears of being alone forever. Fears of never getting married, never having babies. Fears of dining out alone, taking myself to movies, doing things just for me. I just know that I have not found this sense of safety I thought I would by living my life within the boundaries. So I will live outside my boundaries. Learn that I can live more intuitively and therefore more creatively.

I am trying to discover how my talents will feed my life. What art work will I do that will fill my soul and make me smile when I think about sitting down in the studio to do it? I am slowly finding confidence in myself and in my choices. I am finding that I have so much love inside me and that I have this ability to share my happiness, my excitement, my love of life with everyone.

Seeing Love in All Things...

feeling like i am in between places. no where to settle and certainly no where to feel. and it sucks.

trying to remember there is love in all things and that i just have to be open to seeing it. feeling it. accepting it.

To Practice Pleasing Me

I wish I was back on this perfect path with Fran....talking about how I seem like I am on this amazing path, that it's inspiring to be around me at such a time in my life.

Because, let me say that this week I did not feel inspiring.

I feel like I am doubting myself and my choices.

I feel better today than yesterday and am really just going to keep plugging away at being true to myself...it's just so hard sometimes.

I feel like I am trying so hard to please everyone.

Trying to make choices that will make so many different people happy that I forget I am the only one I have to please.

I have lost touch with posting on here, which I think grounds me in so many ways.

I have been not sleeping enough, eating enough nourishing food, reading, exercising or getting enough of nature.

Packing up the old house with our things in it, a house that we only just moved into in November is so hard. Going through and purging the old, making room for change and new choices...I know it's going to be good, I know it's what I need, but it does not make the process any easier.

I wish someone would come and bring me movies, give me bath and wrap me in clean hot towels. Hold me and let me sleep as long as I needed.