Wrapped In Goodness

"Observe the wonders as they occur around us"
Rumi

Back in Asheville after a road trip to Arkansas. This Christmas had me meeting new people, experiencing new adventures, learning lessons in how to accept my past, and sorting out all that I want for my future.

In the meantime, I am feeling cozy tonight, all my things put away...thinking of how I will start this new year. Lounging and pondering how I will use my energy to attract and put out all of the love, goodness, and creativity I can.

The Sweetest Thing

so last night i was so tired

the kind of tired

where i cry and then get mad

and lose everything i touch

....

my saving grace was william picking me up from work

taking me to get a bottle of wine and some quick kashi meals...

then home to sleeeeeeeeeeeep.

...

i walk into my apartment and the first thing i see

is this perfectly tiny tree with lights and beautiful decorations

surrounded by these three cactus plants i have been wanting

and he says wait there's more

...

we go into the bathroom and there is this incredibly plush pink robe

with matching slippers that i quickly sink into

feeling so soft and comfy

and he says come this way

...

into the bedroom where a dvd player is all hooked up

where there are blinds on all the windows that

needed to be covered

*my neighbors were getting quite the show*

with shiny red and green bows on each window

he hung them in the living room too...

not leaving one box or anything for me to have to do

...

so we sit down to open our gifts

and he has listened to everything i have said

i needed

or could use

or really wish i had

just in the course of conversation

...

i unwrapped this dress his roommate made

with a heart on the back

i kept hoping it would not sell before i could afford to buy it

thermal underwear with hearts on them

for our trip to arkansas

and for the cold winters here

a head light for when we camp

and so i won't trip in the dark

a book on knitting and this

amazing yarn

a 3 page letter with all the

details of his love for me

and a gift certificate to the art store

where i can go and get all the

things on my list

so i can create

and not have to wait

on a project because i have no money

for supplies

...

i share all of this, not because of the things

but because

of the thoughtfulness behind them

because of the love he put into each and

every glittery ornament on the tree

because of the safe feeling i had

and the look in his eyes when

tells me i am the one

...

i share all this because i think sometimes

we can punish ourselves

with our words

our thoughts

our relationships

and there is nothing more beautiful
than feeling your every word.touch.thought

reciprocated

and

feeling like you have met your soul mate

the one person that everything

just flows so easily with

the person that you feel your best self around

...

when we love ourselves

we attract love

Living Life Outside of the Screen

I feel I have not had much to post on here, I think I have just been so busy living outside of the computer when I am finished with work and finally not staring at a screen all day!

It's been so lovely living here so far. It turns out my sweet friends from Atlanta don't hesitate to drive up and spend days shopping, eating sushi, getting lost on scary mountains...or going out dancing until the next morning with me. That has been such a delight. To be removed from the day to day life with your closest people, only to have them visit and while the time is shorter, the relationship grows even stronger.

i.feel.like.i.am.truly.splendidly.imperfectly.right.where.i.should.be.

It's such a joy to get up in the mornings, do my morning pages, make delicious dark french roast from my new favorite coffee shop, and come to work relaxed and happy. The evenings are spent working out again, which makes a huge difference in how I feel...Last night we went to GreenLife after the gym and got yummy sushi and veggies.

Going home this weekend to visit my parents. Taking this wonderful woman's work to a favorite boutique to sell. Going to dance my heart out Saturday night and pretend it's still our easy summer of love.

Hope to be back with fun pictures...I have been slacking on the picture taking lately, daydreaming about a new camera and getting frustrated with my point and shoot.

Releasing the Pain

my spine and all its unnatural curves have never been something i really focused on. when i was little, my doctor would tell my mom i needed to dance or swim. doing exercises to strengthen my core muscles and elongate my spine. so i danced. because i loved it. not really understanding the benefits that it brought into my life.

until i stopped. and the pain intensified.

it wasn't until after college that i even saw my first chiropractor. growing up always going to traditional medicine doctors, i never even considered acupuncture or energy healers as an option. i would, once in a while, book an appointment at a spa, always leaving relaxed, but disappointed in how my body felt afterwards. i even got to the point where i had injections of steroids into my spine in order to ease the pain, following up with pain pills afterwards that always left me feeling depressed and lethargic. hiding the root of the problem and masking the pain for awhile, only to have it come back stronger in a few months. i would get so upset with my back. i still sometimes fall into that pattern. truly mad at the level of pain i experience and how it affects the day to day life. how hard it is to smile and be happy, when i really want to, but i can't seem to smile through the pain.

Since coming here and working with an amazing massage therapist (*who happens to be the kindest man that i am in love with*), i have been introduced to so many new techniques to manage my pain. it's a been such a change for me to go deep inside for my healing.

he works with me to not only manage it, but to heal it. one day at the store i was so tight and just feeling like all i wanted was to be taking a pain pill and laying down in bed. that's when he says to me that i held the power to heal my back. to be honest, at first i was nothing but irritated. he's a healer. a neuromuscular and deep tissue massage therapist. and he's telling me that i can do my own healing???

it's not until i am lying down and he begins his work on my back, that i get this sense of the energy in my back actually having a life of its own. i can feel it moving and i can understand that if i don't take an active part in loving my back, sending it good, positive healing thoughts, stretching every morning, mediating, then i will not heal. i actually experience visions while he is working on me. i go back to the times in my life, when my heart was so heavy and my mind so thick with frustrations and i release. i have visions of a tree above my spine, its roots all tangled and digging into my back. the roots are thick and tight. as i breathe out i can picture them releasing some, loosing their grip, relaxing into my back and being healthy. it is so empowering to me that i really do have the tools within my energy body and my physical body to heal.

and he said

that everything i create with my hands is beautiful...

and i picked up my brushes and began.