"this is a time of liminality for me, of passage from one part of my life to another, when I am venturing out beyond "my know world", heeding a call to live my life more authentically even as it puts me in conflict and uncertainty." jean shinoda bolen
i am tearing up at everything.
i am feeling so emotional.
there is this pain in my shoulder where i carry my stress that needs to be worked on.
i feel like i should take back my old job, stay to save more money, get back with my ex-boyfriend, and get back my old life.
not because i felt so happy with it.
but because i was used to the comfort of knowing what every day would be like. and almost used to the drama and sadness that comes with being with someone who does not fit you.
and i can't even find the words for the sadness that is weighing on my heart when i think of leaving these girls. not physically being here for all the ups and downs. all the times that the day just wears on you and seeing your best friend for a walk and a glass of wine after work has you feeling like everything makes sense again. being a part of their son's lives through pictures sent by email instead of hearing their tiny sweet voices.
i am full of doubt and fears and all this talk of how i am going to be positive and embrace the change feels silly now.
i am scared.
i do know that all that is true and good and real about my life here is not going to just vanish. i just can't help but to mourn all that i am leaving.
i am tearing up at everything.
i am feeling so emotional.
there is this pain in my shoulder where i carry my stress that needs to be worked on.
i feel like i should take back my old job, stay to save more money, get back with my ex-boyfriend, and get back my old life.
not because i felt so happy with it.
but because i was used to the comfort of knowing what every day would be like. and almost used to the drama and sadness that comes with being with someone who does not fit you.
and i can't even find the words for the sadness that is weighing on my heart when i think of leaving these girls. not physically being here for all the ups and downs. all the times that the day just wears on you and seeing your best friend for a walk and a glass of wine after work has you feeling like everything makes sense again. being a part of their son's lives through pictures sent by email instead of hearing their tiny sweet voices.
i am full of doubt and fears and all this talk of how i am going to be positive and embrace the change feels silly now.
i am scared.
i do know that all that is true and good and real about my life here is not going to just vanish. i just can't help but to mourn all that i am leaving.
5 comments:
Now I am crying and I don't want to say goodbye tomorrow. But I know in the deepest part of my heart, we will remain strong as friends, as sisters. I also feel deeply the path you are taking will lead you into so much self~love, growth and magic. I love you so much!! Now live in my closet instead:)
DOOM.
death.
cant you and cayden just move in to my pocket instead? ok, great.
ok.
i am so excited for you and so not excited for me. lol.
this is my most articulate comment EVER.
so um, yeah.
know that you will be missed greatly and that you are loved immeasurably.
Congrats on your new adventure! A bold decision was made... Learn to experience living a different path. Be enlightened. Be strong. Take responsibility. Know you will be ok. I'll be thinking about you. i love you.
thinking of you love. i know this is a time of great transition and fear. you are going to be great and the rewards will be otherworldly. your soul sisters, kayden and cat, will always be with you, as us here in bloggie land, so take comfort in that. xoxo
your path is as open ahead as behind you-all those you love are just behind you-loving you all the way on your brave journey.
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