july without you

oh delight.

i wasn't sure when it would happen

or if it really would.

but last night,

william and i were driving home from grocery shopping.

not a great day for me.

period kicking my hormones into high panic gear and i felt like no one loved me.

i was practicing getting out of my head and into a clearer space

where i could see

that i was creating my own worries.

when i rolled down my window and let the beautiful summer night air in the car.

and i looked over at william,

said i felt needy.

needy for what, he asked.

for affection mostly, i said.

and then he smiled, touched my leg.

but beyond that...

i felt a stronger breeze come in the car,

a wind that sort of electrified my skin and made me feel all warm and fuzzy on my right arm.

my dad.

gave me my first hug since he died.

and it's the best hug i've had in the longest time.