we are solitary

we are solitary. we may delude ourselves and act as though it were not so. but how much better it is to realize that we are so, yes, even to begin by assuming it. naturally, we will turn giddy.
rainer maria rilke, letters to a young poet



sleeping bear


sleeping lelu


such a tender time. so much to write about.
this fall is bringing so many lessons already.
with our growth must come release.
a letting go of something that no longer serves us at this time.
time to let what did not get accomplished this year fade into our memory, another cycle will be on it's way soon.

for us, this means a move. not a move in our town. our beloved Asheville. we met and fell in love here.
were married here. lived the last 3 years in a pretty blissful state of being.

we are headed to William's home. Arkansas. it's strange to think of myself farther from my Mom. farther from my girlfriends. it will be no longer a drive away, we'll have to fly. we'll have to be patient and plan wonderful visits when we can.

there have been signs. and we've been listening. we've been stating our intentions and now we've been called to live them.
it feels like we are at the top of a roller coaster.

it's a choice. like any other. but this time we are not choosing in our comfort zone. we are not pushing to get exactly what we think is best for us. we are in the flow and the universe is holding us up. my Mom's blessing for me solidified this change.

it's the five year plan. to make a baby. to have that baby be blessed to be brought up on land that is unspoiled and cared for. for a community of family members that is so large and full of love. to open our practice there. to expand what is currently just William's massage to include my botanical goodness. to stretch and fill up all the uncomfortable and unknown spaces. to grow into something that we've dreamed of.

the kicker is..i'm not finished with my herbal program here at ASHH. November 11th I graduate. 7 weeks. we will be driving our belongings to Arkansas this upcoming week, only I won't be staying. not just yet...

my intentions here in Asheville are to finish my schooling. i will be staying in a room at the school (a converted old house), studying for my final and finishing up a lovely pressed flower book project. i will be fully immersed in herbs. i will be alone. i will be scared. i write my fears here to address them. and over the period of the next 7 weeks i will take care to record the goings of myself here in Asheville. finishing up a chapter in my life while my husband and forever furry friend (lelu, our dog) are starting the new chapter. i will write. relax. work hard. dream. journal. be quiet. i will just be. i will be kind to myself. kind to my partner. and kind to all of you. change is scary.

(just sharing those fears i can feel a deeper breath coming)