at peace

it's been hard for me to put into words how wonderful this journey was.
so for now, a few pictures.

the hero's journey.

preparing travel plans for one.
booking flights and more connecting flights.
arranging for cars at airports and thinking of dinners alone.

all the things he used to do for me. for us.
every detail perfectly arranged.
assurance that the trip would be filled with fun.

this time i'm going alone.
and this time it's not about the sites.
it's more about going away so that i can
really pull all the stuff outside of me
get messy with my feelings.

my dad loved spanish culture.
we share that connection.
he loved to travel.
i dream of our trip we planned together for my 30th.
it hasn't arrived yet
and when it does, he won't be here to celebrate with me
not in his body.
not how i wish i could have him.

so i'm going to mourn.
i'm going to grow.
to shed.
to bring back new adventures.
to tear it all down
and put it all back together again
with beauty
and love
and awkward steps
alone.

such a lovely weekend.

halloween seeing bassnectar.
dancing our bums off. hearing a new dj
and LOVING the vibes flowing through the crowd
everyone in their own groove. our group close and full of love.

going to magical house parties with heart shaped bon fires and
ART that i want to collect every piece of myself.

guava mimosas and wide open talks.

dream puffs, belly dancers, and girlfriends who make you feel so strong and loved.

a very happy halloween :)

happy halloween and don't forget to VOTE!!!

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

thank you.

when my dad took his life
you didn't run

in fact, you asked me for a commitment deeper
than the one we already had

and i said yes,
not fully realizing all the work i had to do

all the sadness
all the anger

oh the anger!
at all of the rest of the world and the fast pace
in which they moved on
kept going
without me

but you
you have stayed by my side
and held me night after night
tears streaming
down my face

thank you
a thousand times over
for being the keeper of my secrets
a tower of strength
the most sensitive, soulful, appreciative man

i'm a better woman
for having met you.