tea and an astrology book in the morning...
the view from the vendor's tent...my friends' amazing art!
the campsite was on an apple orchard with a beautiful lake...
me, legs propped up, relaxing...All my life, I have read quotes like this one, "if you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living." Joseph Campbell.
Not only have I read this quote and so many thousands of other similar positive and inspirational quotes, I have believed them. But I have never lived them. I have always chased after the wrong things, held on so tightly to what I wanted that I squeezed the life out of everything. Instead of breathing love and life into everything and everyone.
This weekend as I left Georgia again to drive up to Asheville and submerse myself in art, friends, and a town that in general calls to me, I felt lighter every mile I got closer. I stopped to jot some notes in my journal and this is what I wrote... "i dreamed i was floating. alone. just me. i felt so free. having no one to be responsible to. it hit me yesterday. it was strange and new. not lonely. not anxious. not depending on any particular situation to come along and soothe me. i feel very grounded."
I know that in this ending my relationship with my boyfriend of two years, I have finally learned so many lessons that have kept reoccurring for me. The trying to force a partnership, where the compatibility between us left so much to be desired. I feel like every moment has been leading up to today and even with the moving, the tears, the stress, I feel a release. A realization that I don't have to hold so tightly to what I want, I don't even have to express it perfectly, sometimes the best thing I can do is to just be me.
5 comments:
BEAUTIFUL WORDS! BEAUTIFUL YOU!
I think you expressed this perfectly. Love the pictures- so happy.
This is really beautiful honey. Sending you love. xoxo
p.s. sexy gams too! hee hee
amanda~
sending you lots of love and strength on your new journey. i love ashville. that seems like a perfect way to reconnect with you. (i used to live in wrightsville beach in wilmington. i am very much a southern girl)
all good things~
all good things.
with love
mccabe
WOW, I lived on Wrightsville Beach too! I can't believe it! Small small world...
Well, I really appreciate what you wrote here. I am really havin a hard time dealing with the on again off again tumultuous relationship with a guy i spent a total of 7 years with. i really thought that regardless of our "differences" that there was enough passion and other great stuff we liked to do, etc. that those things would carry us off into the sunset together and I could see it all so clearly, too...I realize now that I too have been trying to , i guess "force" things to happen between us, and when it FINALLY got through my thick Taurus/Firehorse skull that it WAS NOT going to be as i had hoped, wished, and prayed for, I finally lost it and don't ever plan on going back...it's hard though, there are all kinds of feelings to sift through, hurt, anger (not only with him, but MYSELF), abandonment, a huge feeling of let down. it's hard to bury dreams that you once loved to move on...I'm really really struggling right now, so it helps me alot to read you and the other amazing girls about the happiness in their journeys, it somehow helps me to hang on when I can't seem to get through a day without feeling like (or actually) crying. Anyway, I'm rambling and thank you for your sharing, best wishes, and hugs to you. you're right, the best thing to do is just to be you. and i'm doing that too!!
;)
Good for you!
That is a good book and she wrote many more that are also very informative.
Hugs to you for finding a piece of your bliss.
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