I am enough

"This summer we're setting up a very specific test in the Dream Lab. We're trying to find out what will happen if we set aside our Mondo Beyondo dreams for one whole summer and let ourselves sink into rest, play and kindness to ourselves and the people around us. And we're not just saying that. We really want to know want to know. We're craving the kind of joy and magic that shows up whenever you know--you really know--you're not in it alone. We're building our hypothesis on the expectation that all kinds of good things happen when you're willing to loosen up and let go."

From the Superhero Journal

I have been in a place of uncertainty where I find myself wondering, do I really live in a dream world? I always heard that growing up, from my parents, quite possibly even from strangers...You live in a dream world Amanda.

What I'm really being faced with now, at age 31, is am I here to do what creative endeavors are inside me? I am allowed to put myself fully into what I want to do each day with joy? Am I here to find my true purpose, my higher path or should I just go out to the nearest restaurant to get a job that will pay the bills?

My tiny Etsy shop lies empty because the last time I truly allowed myself to create uninterrupted was in Italy. When I'm at home I don't even take the stolen moments, much less make a schedule that includes time for making art.

Now, keep in mind, our massage business and my free lance nanny/event work do pay the bills. We are able to keep up, potentially some would consider us to be maintaining quite nicely. So, why is it that my fear builds up inside so great, doubt crawls inside and I feel paralyzed?

But let me remember... I am not my thoughts. I am not my body. I am not my emotions. I am an ever present being of light here to shine my spirit bright. That light can truly shine when I'm rested. When I'm filled up with dancing and stretching and being me. When I'm writing and creating art (and it's been months....).

I honestly will feel guilty if I am at home brewing up herbal delights in the kitchen or doing other projects because they are not paying me an hourly wage. Does it all have to add up to money? I feel like all my quests to just make money so I could do this or that never created any happiness, or money for that matter.

So, each day I wake up and some of those days I have to choke down a little fear, or better yet, replace that reaction with a positive thought. Send love to those fears and believe that I am enough. Doing what's in front of me at the moment, loving it and loving myself.