Sitting In Silence

I have not had much to say on here lately. Mainly because if it's not positive or if I am not writing about something productive, then I feel I should just be silent. I don't know how to get across all that I am feeling, mainly because I have not just sat with myself to allow time to actually feel anything.

Last night I had my first primordial sound meditation lesson. The session was one on one, and immediately I felt comfortable in her home. Her voice was soothing as she went into details about how she found the path to teaching the practice of meditation herself. She explained that doing mediation can lead you to trust yourself more. To actually listen to the signals your body is sending you. That every action we take creates an emotion that then creates a memory and we keep repeating the cycle. I wish I could understand why even when the actions I take create a negative response or emotion, I continue to repeat the pattern.

I am excited about the act of taking time out for me each day to be silent, to repeat my mantra, and release all the thoughts that flood into my head every minute of every day. I want to achieve a higher level of consciousness so that I can detach from events and not own everything. Not take everything so personally.

Being quiet, being still, sitting in silence is a struggle for me. My ego pushes and pulls and challenges every advance I make to get closer to a calmer place. But this morning I woke up, did my morning pages, and sat down to meditate for 30 minutes.

"Accept what comes to you totally and completely so that you can appreciate it, learn from it, and then let go. This moment is as it is because the universe is as it is."
Deepak Chopra