The Light In Truth Is Beautiful...

So many new thoughts swirling in my head...So many new people have come into my life and I look around and have this deep love for everyone in my life. I feel this energy in my heart and soul that is bursting and ready to be put down on paper. At one point this weekend in Asheville I randomly took out all my pens, glitter and all, and just started to draw what was in my heart. I felt like I could not put down my pen. Hearts and swirls covered the page and before long I had made the invitation that I am going to use for my parent's New Years Eve party. I spent a lot of time this weekend feeling so grateful for my mom and dad. They have encouraged my artist's heart and are always there to catch me when I fall. I feel like that safety net has been amazing and I am so thankful. It seems like now I am coming to this point in my life where I have to just trust myself and do what feels right to me. Whether I fall or not. I remember my mom telling me that she never cared what anyone thought. She loved my father (he was only 21 and she was 25 when they married) regardless and she followed her heart. And they have this deep love for one another that has continued through so much growth and change over 32 years... I feel like my worries about what others might think, feel, or say about my path is okay but it does not necessarily have to impact my decisions. As I continue to simplify and share my love of life, I feel like things are falling into place with the least amount of effort.

And it feels soooooooooo good.

The Invitation

I love this so much....A friend reminded me of it yesterday and I spent a large part of my night thinking about it. This is honestly how I feel about love, how deep I want to go with my partner. What I really want to know.

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for

and if you date to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

for love

for your dream

for the adventure of being alive

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow

if you have been opened by life's betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain

mine of your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy

mine or your own

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us

to be careful

to be realistic

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me

is true.

I want to know if you can

disappoint another

to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

every day.

And if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure

yours and mine

and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

"Yes."

It doesn't interest me

to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where of what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments.

Tagged By An Angel...YAY!

Super excited to have been tagged by this inspiring girl....

1.) We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

2.) Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3.) People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.

4.) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

~Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and they should read your blog.~

8 random things about me:

1. I love to wear towels...I will honestly stay wrapped in my towel when I come home from work until I go to bed. Or right up to minute I have to get dressed.

2. I always carry lipgloss, water, and gum. I mean AT ALL TIMES... I get kind of frantic if I cannot find any of the above:)

3. I have been obsessed this past year of living in a yurt w/ a llama in my front yard. I still want to be able to wash my hair and use loads of fun products, but I would love to have a yurt on a farm somewhere...

4. I have never really been able to remember my dreams. A friend told me to say out loud or to myself before bed that I will in fact remember my dreams and that it would help. It did in fact help, but I woke up crying each night. Kind of strange... I hope to be able to have a more vivid and positive dream life on this new journey of mine.

5. I have always been able to see fairies. When I was really young and all throughout high school. In the last 5 years or so, I have not thought about them or really paid attention to their presence in my life. But I am super excited to say that in the last few months they have been back full force and it's been so fun.

6. I am just now learning to listen to myself. To really trust my own feelings. It's scary, but I love it. <3

7. I am super shy in front of the camera and always hope I can brave and have someone take real, honest, and in the moment pictures of me.

8. I am a list maker to the fullest extent. I have a daily list, a list of clothes I would like for the upcoming season, a list of groceries I need, a list of goals I would like to accomplish in my lifetime, a list of gifts I would like to buy for the lovely people in my life.

I am tagging dearest K (she needs a blog update:), wild Cayden (who had lots of fun new pics to be posted;), Sara (who I miss), Fran (who will see me again this weekend, whoo hoo! Asheville:), Schmoops, Misty Mawn (if you have time during this move...:), Corr (come back), and Kelly.

Have fun girlies!

xoxo

Step Into The Unknown

and you will step into the field of all possibilities...Deepak Chopra

I am really practicing remaining focused throughout this move. Last night I came home from work, changed into my softest threads, opened a beer, and began sifting and sorting through all my belongings. I found old cd's and was listening the Practical Magic soundtrack while looking at old pictures. Another chapter in my life is coming to an end, and usually I am so focused on just getting through it, that I don't take the time to process what I am feeling. As I was packing so many thoughts were pouring out that I had to take my sharpie and jot notes all over. I could not help but write what I was thinking. I think the most profound, yet the most simple thought I had was I never again want to do something that I do not whole heartedly respond to in a positive way...

Wanting to Retreat

I wish that my fears would just be quiet. I wish all the days would feel like my post below, where the words fit together without trying, where my whole being feels brave and ready for change. But then there are days like this that sneak in and sabotage my positive outlook.

I have an awful sinus infection, where my head is throbbing and my lymph nodes make even swallowing tea difficult. I know that my body is shutting down for me, since I have been going nonstop these last 3 or 4 weeks. Taking road trips on the weekends, to have time away or just making lists of things that need to be taken care of for my move. It's just sometimes I come home to start packing and I feel physically and mentally blocked from making any productive moves. Then I start to question my decisions and think, oh, maybe if I stay, things will change and get better. The part that is the hardest to figure out is why I am doubting myself now and not knowing how much of the doubt is just fear of the unknown. Not that I should stay, but that leaving has it's own set of challenges and I should follow my heart, even if it's not the easiest path to take.

Anyway, even sick days like today that are filled with worries have their bright spot. I read this lovely blogger's post and my heart expanded reading her words, because it so wonderful to have other people that you connect with in this blogging community. <3>

Follow Your Bliss

tea and an astrology book in the morning...

the view from the vendor's tent...my friends' amazing art!

the campsite was on an apple orchard with a beautiful lake...

me, legs propped up, relaxing...

All my life, I have read quotes like this one, "if you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living." Joseph Campbell.

Not only have I read this quote and so many thousands of other similar positive and inspirational quotes, I have believed them. But I have never lived them. I have always chased after the wrong things, held on so tightly to what I wanted that I squeezed the life out of everything. Instead of breathing love and life into everything and everyone.

This weekend as I left Georgia again to drive up to Asheville and submerse myself in art, friends, and a town that in general calls to me, I felt lighter every mile I got closer. I stopped to jot some notes in my journal and this is what I wrote... "i dreamed i was floating. alone. just me. i felt so free. having no one to be responsible to. it hit me yesterday. it was strange and new. not lonely. not anxious. not depending on any particular situation to come along and soothe me. i feel very grounded."

I know that in this ending my relationship with my boyfriend of two years, I have finally learned so many lessons that have kept reoccurring for me. The trying to force a partnership, where the compatibility between us left so much to be desired. I feel like every moment has been leading up to today and even with the moving, the tears, the stress, I feel a release. A realization that I don't have to hold so tightly to what I want, I don't even have to express it perfectly, sometimes the best thing I can do is to just be me.

Releasing Attachment to the Outcome...

pretty little sunflower

your truth is a whisper

germinating in my belly

waiting to sprout its roots

deep into the pursuit of bliss

pretty little sunflower

your touch still fresh on my skin

waiting with all the patience of a child

in front of a cookie jar

sprout pretty little sunflower

grow deep in me

let your roots draw the water from my cells

till you can't tell the difference

then pretty little sunflower

when you bloom

bloom from my mouth

so that my oxygen is your oxygen

what i take in is what you put out

and when

pretty little sunflower

the sunlight that i take in

is the sunlight that you produce

there will be no need

for the distinction of you and I

by: william matthew hall *love*