I Am Still Laughing...

star fingers...

so FUN...we slept in the teepee one night!!!

fun feets

heel click caught in action

my very first official tag...

This weekend was so much fun. I can't even think about it without a huge smile on my face. I have known Cayden since elementary school and laughing with her is for sure tops on my list of favorite things...She runs down the street, barefoot, and laughing whenever the moment strikes her. She giggles and plays and is absolutely REFRESHING to be around.

While we didn't make it to any Thai places, but we did eat delicious home made jalapeno cheddar cornbread and fresh food off the grill. We ate breakfast at Over Easy, eating yummy black bean, feta, and basil omelets while we discussed the art exhibit with the artist himself. We met other AMAZING artists, I'll be posting a picture of this super cute shirt from one of the girls we met. In one house we went to, there was a potter's studio in the basement, the clothing/seamstress studio upstairs, every instrument you can imagine in the great room...

We blew bubbles, drank mojitos, read from Sabrina Ward Harrison books, relaxed on a deck upstairs that felt like a tree house...I have never laughed so much in my entire life and I feel so refreshed. So ready to love myself how I want to be loved and create the life I am meant to live<3

MaP oF AcTiOn

Leaving tomorrow for a weekend filled with a favorite friend, one who has been in my life since elementary school, but we have NEVER taken a road trip together...Looking forward to listening to our old music, lots of laughing, running wild like we did in 10th grade, going to a summer solstice party, journaling, shopping, drinking yummy wine and eating lots of Thai food.

I am in the process of working on this unlimited life plan in the hopes that mapping out some plan of action will create some real focus in my life. I will share my messy map that's covered in thoughts and dreams when I have answered all the questions Keri posts...

Wishing everyone time this weekend to be kind to themselves and do what they love most<3

International Day of Possibility

I thought I would post about this fantastic day in advance so those of you who don't know about it can check out the site and get involved for this amazing International Day of Possibility. I first read about it on Christine Mason Miller's site and I am in love with the concept of a day dedicated to possibility. A day that we all believe in all the infinite possibilities for not only ourselves, but every person in the world.

A day when we say to ourselves and we actually believe that all the things we want to happen in our lives CAN actually happen. We let go of all the fears and the nagging voices inside our heads telling us that we can't do something and we join together to adjust our hearts and minds in believing that anything is possible.

The possibilities that I want for myself:

*To design a line of cards.
*To create financial security for myself, stop feeling nervous whenever the subject of money is broached.
*To loving the space I am in now and live positively in the present moment.
*To continue my mediation practice so that I can learn to follow my intuition.
*To open a retreat for women where they can come and take art workshops, meditate, read on a hammock, sit and do nothing, just revive themselves in whatever creative endeavor that makes their heart happy.
*Being honest even if it hurts someone.
*Saying yes to more me time.
*To say yes to travelling and living outside the lines of what everyone else might think is best for me.

All of us have dreams and goals and plans....and today as we join together, we can remember they are all possible!!!

Life Questions

Tonight is my last session of primordial sound meditation. In the last session we started the meditation with three questions that you ask and just release to the universe. "Who am I?", "What is my purpose in life?" and "What do I want?". My teacher suggests putting the questions out there and releasing them, instead of intellectualizing over them all the time. I have been practicing on my own this last week and I can feel my body, my mind resisting the quiet. I feel my heart race when thoughts flood in about things I need to accomplish and I open one eye to see how long it's been. Most times only about 5 or 10 minutes have actually passed. It's not like my world will crash if I let it pass me by for thirty minutes. I know this, but it's getting my body to agree with me that has been a struggle. I am going to talk to my teacher tonight about my progress and keep pushing forward, trying to be silent and still. It's such a hard pattern to break when we do most of our filling up with outside things. I just know that learning to listen, to God, to myself, to my intuition will strengthen my sense of self and I'll be able to make more sound decisions.

Puttering Around

So you see, imagination needs moodling - long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering.

Brenda Ueland

Natural Beauty

I took this picture in Asheville and I think it's so beautiful. Just the way the vines grow up the wall naturally and the graffiti on the walls is like art for free. Here, in the suburbs, I am surrounded with drab grey buildings and chain restaurants galore. There is not individuality to any of it and it dulls the senses.

Lately I have been feeling so opposed to our commercialized culture, the way that people just want everything to look so polished, and they only care if it's a product that can be marketed. I know that sometimes I am a walking contradiction of myself, with my name brand clothing or my beauty products that I can't imagine giving up. But I am thinking of ways I can take myself out of this cycle of making money only to turn around and spend it on things that don't bring me any true happiness.

I have been in my current house now for 6 months, thinking that would be the home that I would stay in for at least a few years. After previously feeling like I would never get my things out of storage and set up in a new place that was mine. I hoped and was promised this would be the time and the place I would have a baby in, a place that would be home. And now, with another move in the near future, having to rent the house and face the loss of dreams, I am feeling very much like purging.

It's a contradiction of self because while I love all the stuff that ads to the beauty and comfort of my home, I don't need it. It is feeding a part of me that maybe needs to be let go, to run wild so that I can emerge lighter, more free.

I am done searching for the money to have the things that in the end have to be moved or sold and a life that offers only false sense of security. The only real security we have is in within us and who we hold dear to us. The relationships that we nurture and give our love to. At the end of the day I want to be able to exist with less and take myself out of the cycle of falling prey to the corporate world. I would like to only buy handmade, used, or trade items for a year to see if I can make it. I would like to only use natural products that are not contributing to harming the earth. This is something I have gradually done but not a lifestyle change I have ever been ready to commit to, until now.

Uncomfortable In My Skin

I am always wondering as I near 30 (I just turned 28), if I will slowly become more comfortable in my own skin. If I will be able to relax in who I am and how I look. Especially in front of the camera, yikes... I get so tense and afraid, and it comes across in the picture. A darling friend always tries to capture me in moments that don't seem forced or posed, but there is nothing like actually feeling that way to capture a true moment. I would love to book a session with one of my favorite photographers to see if she could capture some moments that feel like me.

I feel like I force who I am so much. Part of it is not defining who I am before I mesh with another and part of it is my environment. Both of which I am learning I have the power to change. I have been thinking about scaling back, and focusing on what is really important in my heart. To do what makes my soul sing regardless of what others advise or think.

I have always been somone's girlfriend, then wife, then girlfriend again, for so long, that I don't know listen to what I want half of the time. Although, deep down I know I am part of something much greater. It's just on the surface, I am not comfortable in my skin. I would love to look as loving and comfortable as this adorable couple. Seeing their love really gives me hope for have a loving, nurturing, supportive relationship...But first, I think I have to learn to feel that way towards me.

Sitting In Silence

I have not had much to say on here lately. Mainly because if it's not positive or if I am not writing about something productive, then I feel I should just be silent. I don't know how to get across all that I am feeling, mainly because I have not just sat with myself to allow time to actually feel anything.

Last night I had my first primordial sound meditation lesson. The session was one on one, and immediately I felt comfortable in her home. Her voice was soothing as she went into details about how she found the path to teaching the practice of meditation herself. She explained that doing mediation can lead you to trust yourself more. To actually listen to the signals your body is sending you. That every action we take creates an emotion that then creates a memory and we keep repeating the cycle. I wish I could understand why even when the actions I take create a negative response or emotion, I continue to repeat the pattern.

I am excited about the act of taking time out for me each day to be silent, to repeat my mantra, and release all the thoughts that flood into my head every minute of every day. I want to achieve a higher level of consciousness so that I can detach from events and not own everything. Not take everything so personally.

Being quiet, being still, sitting in silence is a struggle for me. My ego pushes and pulls and challenges every advance I make to get closer to a calmer place. But this morning I woke up, did my morning pages, and sat down to meditate for 30 minutes.

"Accept what comes to you totally and completely so that you can appreciate it, learn from it, and then let go. This moment is as it is because the universe is as it is."
Deepak Chopra